The Diddley Bow is an Instrument

A friend of mine, a millennial, seeking, one presumes, a safe harbor, came to me with a matter of some plaintive concern to her. Without going into the details, except to say that it involved dating, fumble fingered ineptitudes and dissatisfaction, I have considered the matter and herewith the result.

Bringing to bear my multitudinous decade’s worth of observation and experience, and the cognizance that the experience so garnered is a result of lessons learned from bad judgment, this is what I have concluded; I offer it as a nostrum, a scheme, a remedy, for bringing about social reform and improvement and is offered for the benefit of those of us still involved in dating, efficiently fingered aptitudes, and the concomitant satisfactions.

In the pursuance of Love, Lust, and Happy Endings (LL&HE), we, the male gender, as a sub-species, are essentially single string instruments.  Not, perhaps, as limited in our capabilities as a Gopichand, described authoritatively as a one-string instrument plucked with one finger; to put it into the common parlance, a One-Trick Pony (O-TP). We are more like a Diddley Bow. I am reliably informed that the Diddley Bow, although also a single string instrument, consists of baling wire tensioned between two nails on a board over a glass bottle, that is used both as a bridge and as a means to magnify the instrument's sound; in short, young gentlemen, we are an O-TP, but, capable of nuance.

Our female partners in that LL&He pursuit are considerably more complicated. If I am to continue with the musical instrument analogy, and I feel so constrained, I’d describe Woman as a Guitar, a 6-string instrument with a multiplicity of frets requiring dexterous fingering to fully appreciate the tuning and tonal options on offer; more succinctly, a Fender Stratocaster Classic.

The problem, as I explained to my millennial complainant, is not in the awareness of the differences between women and men. That there is a difference in the way the genders respond to stimuli, of various kinds, enters the consciousness of us XY types fairly early in the process. The problem lies in the methods used in implementing those differences to a mutually satisfying conclusion.

As the goofy guy in the TV show Coupling reminded me, the advantage gay folks have is the familiarity and concomitant expertise, (born of many hours of pre-coupling solo practice), with the relevant instruments. Heterocoupling, to coin a phrase, requires expertise ab initio. Aside from the aforementioned 6 strings and the multiplicity of frets the abecedarian lover is faced with, there is the need to combine those into the trills, arpeggios, and strums rising to a climax to which all makers of good music aspire.

So, understand this you young aspirants to guitar godhood, while the notes playable on a guitar are, in order, E, A, D, G, B, E, they are not arranged in alphabetical order on the body nor are they, (the notes), exclusive to their assigned unfretted strings. [The sharp eyed will have noticed that the C and the F are conspicuous by their absence, the successful soundings of which require specific and considered fin...er, fretting. A further examination of the matter, in all its manifestations metaphorical and actual, is beyond the scope of this particular bit of Old Coot Advice (OCA) and may well be addressed at a later date.]

 To sum up, young Lothario, Diddley Bow nuances notwithstanding, it behooves you to learn, nay, master, the complexities of Woman and her POV of LL&HE. The strings, the plethora of frets, the strums, the trills, and the arpeggios with their appropriate fingerings have to be considered and utilized if music is to be made. It is important to remember that the happy ending is the coda, not the symphony.

p.s. Finding the spot where the G can be sounded and incorporated on all the six strings is an indispensable skill in making great music. And, good luck with that.

dogs and governance

The things my dogs have taught me about governance, of self, if nothing else.

1. The importance of a common language. -- I think I can safely say that neither my dogs nor I were born speaking each other’s language. But we did communicate with each other, effectively. There was no doubt in my mind that my dogs were pleased at my return from an absence. The younger, more energetic ones had to be acculturated into curbing their enthusiasm; all wagging hind quarters, face rubs, soft excited yips, exhibited with due regard for my home-coming rituals. My vocalizations in human, they heard in dog; the vocalizations, no doubt, a not always melodic sound-track to my body language. To underline the obvious, dogs use their bodies to communicate, a lot, like a lot, lot. I’m reasonably certain that my grammar, intonation, pronunciation and syntax, in dog were not up to their standards. I’m absolutely certain that they, the dogs, made allowances and met me half way; allowing me to put down the milk, loosen collars, belts and the constraints of public behavior. The older, more secure ones, more relieved than pleased, communicated their satisfaction in less energy intensive ways, they settled more comfortably into their naps. No raised voices. No threats of violence. No personal spaces invaded, inadvertently or otherwise. Boundaries respected, gracefully. Governments, social groups, Religions, hell, couples and parents, need to learn from that.

2. Love is not unconditional, (neither is hate, actually, now that I think about it) – In fact, it is a motivator for conditions. My dogs loved me because I provided them with security, sustenance, and leadership in a clement atmosphere. In return, they used their abilities to protect my sleep, be my early warning system and provide me a furry scruff of the neck to bury my face in when necessary. In short, conditions. Value given for value received. No hidden charges and all cost over-runs subject to discussion and compromise. No pooping or peeing in the house and in return I forgive, and clean up, the occasional ill considered, indigestible, snack, yellow-green slime and all, without recrimination, some grumbling allowed. 

3. Rules and structure are necessary for social amity. – Otherwise you have dogs who have not earned the right hogging the most comfortable place in front of the TV, dogs using might to grab the meatiest bone, dogs cutting willy-nilly into the ear-scratch rotation. All of which can lead to resentment and social unrest, which when combined with powerful, crushing jaws and teeth, can get very messy indeed. This was not easy for an anarchist hippy to learn. But then political entities are not, by definition, anarchists, are they? So it ought to be relatively easier for Them.